I WILL explain this title later, but stick around (despite the smell) and spend some time with me.  My name is L.A. Johnson and I’ve been struggling with Chronic Clinical Depression for blah blah blah…..you don’t want to hear it.  It sucks.  Now with that said, why I am I writing a blog that will have topics frequently related to depression? (Can I just say depression for short? You can’t answer so…. yes, I’ll take that liberty.) The answer is, I don’t know yet. To be completely honest with you, I am tired of going to work, and school, etc… and feeling like I’m moving through quicksand.  I feel so heavy, and everything I do feels so much more difficult than it should be.  Do you ever feel this way?  I never hear it in conversation.

The point I am trying to make is, if I can talk about what I am experiencing from this disorder on a daily basis…maybe I can help someone who is going to find out by searching on Google to read some disheartening news. What they may find is that we as a human race are lonely, and we aren’t getting any better.  In 2016, 10.3 million U.S. Adults, 18 years or older, had at least one major depressive episode with severe impairment (Source).  These episodes were not solely experienced by individuals diagnosed with chronic cases of depression.

So what do you do once you find out that the world is getting lonelier…you’re lonely, and as an adult male/or female, it is difficult to bring up your emotional struggles because of our social normalities.

“Nobody wants to hear my problems”.

“Hell, even if they did,  what would it change for me at this moment?”

The easy answer is: Nothing.  Another possibility could be that, if you shared what you were feeling with another human being….MOST of the time, they are going to care or at the very least listen to what you have to say. (Besides being happy)  Isn’t that what we truly want? To be listened to and understood by another person? I know I do.

Being unable to find pleasure in things/activities that you were once passionate about, and isolating yourself from relationships and the world in general are warning signs.  I started struggling when I was 15.  I was more irritable than was typical for me (a common symptom in teens), I didn’t want to engage in social activities, and I isolated myself in my bedroom more than I would like to admit.

As a young adult (17-19 yrs), I began to cycle through more than a dozen medications over the course of a couple of years to find the right fit.  These chaotic changes in my brain chemistry caused me great distress and irrational fears (anxiety). I don’t blame the medications for this, because there are so many outside factors that could have caused these symptoms…. but I began to become indifferent, lonely, and I developed a problem with insomnia that I haven’t been able to resolve yet.  In college, I developed a dependence on alcohol because I wasn’t sleeping and I wasn’t actively searching for the resources I needed to get help and become myself again.  I got the help I needed and I’ve made great progress, but I still struggle.

I’m 25 years old, and I have the most incredible, well-rounded, and down to earth girlfriend I could have possibly found.  She’s never given up on me, and she’s pushed me to better my life in ways that have improved my ability to cope with my disorder.  She’s the strongest woman I know.  God bless her parents.  I also have two parents that raised me the right way and have never failed to remind me how much they love me and support me.

So here’s a place…E-mail me, tell me what’s going on in your life, let me know where you’re at emotionally. I can try to offer advice, and at the very least you’ll have found someone who feels just like you. Also, if you even think you are having emotional issues like anxiety or symptoms of depression, please go to your Primary Care Doctor as soon as possible… Let’s do this more often.

P.S. – I did not explain the title. I’ll save that for the next blog. AND don’t forget to Follow, and subscribe to the e-mail list.  Otherwise, if just reading helps you, do that.  

Until next time,

L.A.